Who Am I???

The first picture is me at 210ish, the second is me at 190ish. The third 170ish. I'll update later with a recent pic.

Two years ago I got pregnant. This was a shock considering I had cervical cancer and had been told sine I was 15 years old that children were not going to be in my future. I had accepted that at an early age and focused on dealing with the cancer. By the time I was 23 the cancer had gone in to remission twice and on its way back with abnormal cells. My doctors told me that when I turned 24 I can have a historectmoy and be done with it since my cancer had not spread past my birth canal. I was sooooo excited. I turned 24 April 2nd, made my appointment for the end of May to discuss the surgery. Even though I had recently gotten back a clean pap, I was done.

My husband and I went on a cruise and came back with an un-paid for suvioner. I found out 2 weeks before my appointment to dicuss a hysterectomy that I was pregnant. We were shocked, scared, nervous, pretty much every emotion you can imagine.

Early in the pregnancy I was put on bedrest, given tons of steriods and given a high calorie diet. I sucessfully carried my 8 pound baby to full term (which was a HUGE surprise to everyone). In the meantime, I gained 100 pounds. You heard it, 100 pounds. I gained a teenager in weight. I gained a large golden retriever, a Hawkbill Sea Turtle, a hellfire missile (or HAL-3)of weight....

I waited for a while to deflat naturally, I figured it was "baby weight". I knew you put on weight being pregnant but seriosly!

I was recently going through some old "open diary" posts and foudn this:
"I am no longer the thin, pretty girl people envied. I am 40 pounds heavier from before pregnancy. I have a fat belly and disgusting thighs. I have stretch marks. I have a fat face. I have a belly that giggles when I cry, laugh, or move. I have no sex appeal to anyone; I doubt my husband is even interested. I cannot even look in the mirror with out crying and being disgusted. If I can't look at myself, how can I expect him to? Maybe this image of me is wrong, but I doubt it. Maybe it’s because I have spent the past 2 years working for a company that only pretty, thin, sexy people work for...maybe its that. Maybe I am so depressed about my body because I spent the past 2 years making fun of girls with this body.
I want to be a happy confident person again. I want to be able to look at myself in the mirror an recognize the face staring back at me. I do not recognize that fat sad girl, I don't even want to know her. As I write this, I realize that I am most depressed about my body image."

I didn't realize how depressed I really was about this. After about 2 months of NOT DEFLATING, I joined a bootcamp here in Charlotte. I knew what to do to lose weight (or atleast I thought I did) but no motivation to do it.Plus when my duaghter was 2 days old we moved to a brand new HUGE city where we knew no-one. All I had was my husband, my baby who just ate, slept, pooped and cried, and my huge large golden retriever, a Hawkbill Sea Turtle, a hellfire missile (or HAL-3)of 100 pounds of weight.

I joined a bootcamp to make friends and lose the weight. Proir to pregnancy I was a personal trainer at a gym but had been out of the business for about 3 years. Even though I knew what to do, I just had no motivation to do it on my own. So here I was new in town, 100 pounds heaviery than I had ever been and in place where I knew no one. So I joined to get back in shape, motivate myself and make friends. He motivated me alright....he motivated me to open my own companyand re-new my certifications!

This guy was a joke. He had never had to lose weight, never had body image issues, and he obvioulsy watched the biggest loser and read mens health. All the workouts we did were from a TV show and Mens Health. Last time I checked, I HAVE A VAGINA, so I shouldn't be doing Mens Health workouts. The advise he gave was horrible and his meal plans a joke. He had no clue.

Turns out, either did I. Once I got motivated to do this on my own I pulled out some of my old workouts and got busy. After 6 weeks I realized, this isn't working. I re-evaluated my plan, did some trail and error and figured it out. Most personal trainers never have to lose weight, so all they know about weeight loss is what they have been told or read.

Its offically been a year since I started working out and opened my own training company. I am down to 130 and feel damn good about myself. I still have a budha belly, but its going away. I have learned so much from being on this side of the weightloss glass and I wanted to share what I have learned with everyone.

I wanted to share my workouts, my advise and the tools I used to get there, and hopefully motivate some of you to do the same.